bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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