i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
