I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
