Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
