I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
