hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
