TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
