dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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