I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
