You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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