I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize