I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
