Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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