The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
