I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
