You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize