I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
