I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
