It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
This toilet bowl is my home.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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