Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
