Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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