Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
