GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
