vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
