Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
