I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
