when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
