i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
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