i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
