Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
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