i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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