maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
