if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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