Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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