Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Randomize
