I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize