i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
