I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
do nipples grow back?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
