if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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