My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
