I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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