New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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