why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
