I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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