I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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