I wish I could teleport
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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