i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
