I'm gonna have a badass scar
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
pop tarts are not kleenex
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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