I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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