Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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