here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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