I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
