You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
