I just saw a hot homeless man
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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