He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I need to wash the frat house off of me
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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