I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
