so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Buhtt sex?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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