I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize