I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
