I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
