yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
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