if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
