Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
