Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
