She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
