he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
