Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I DEMAND FORESKIN
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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