its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize